Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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