Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
