Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
