i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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