There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
