Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
