I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
