It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
