in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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