jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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