do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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