Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
