yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
