Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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