My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
