I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
