how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
