At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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