Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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