And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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