At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
