Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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