The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
