If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
