I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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