Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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