So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
