i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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