is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
