I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
