You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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