Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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