She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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