we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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