So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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