He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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