you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
