And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
