I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can Purell be used as lube?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
