For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
