genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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