Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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