I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
