Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
