I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
