I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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