I just saw a hot homeless man
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
did i just pee glitter
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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