i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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