guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
