My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
