I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
