Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
how drunk are you?
Several
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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