my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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