Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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