I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
