What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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