i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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