Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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