toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
