The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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