Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize