just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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