Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I need to stop coming to work sober
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
