walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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