just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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