how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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