i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
