I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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