No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
