She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
