wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize