Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
