It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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