My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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