Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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