I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize