if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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