DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
