it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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