This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I party with great urgency now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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