Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
