you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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